Monday, November 25, 2013

In Search of Balance

Me & my boys at Quintessence.  I was so busy
that I didn't nurse Bellybean until the latch on
at 11am.  So yeah, that's a wet spot from
leaking on my shirt there...
I haven't blogged in close to a month.  I haven't written about receiving a Breastfeeding Hero Award from Central Texas Healthy Mothers, Healthy Babies Coalition, or the TXBC Fall Meeting with Representatives Walle and Farrar, or seeing the documentary "Breastmilk," or hearing back from AISD since my last update.  I still hope to write about these, but I'm trying to focus on my family right now.

I love the sense of purpose that breastfeeding advocacy has given me.  I love the friendships I have made the past year.  I am thankful that, with the help of many people, I have affected some positive changes.

But through all of this advocating for optimal infant nutrition, my older kids are not getting as much whole, healthy food as they need.  Too much pizza, too many frozen vegetarian chick-un nuggets.

My house has been clean only twice in the past year.  I don't mean anal clean, I mean presentable clean.  Willing to open the door to the UPS guy clean.

I've been overweight for more than two and a half years now - since going on a gluten free diet and suddenly absorbing from food what I hadn't the 15 years prior.  Attempts at dieting repeatedly fail and I haven't even tried consistently exercising - I'm too busy.

My middle son doesn't get any play dates and still talks about the kid who moved over a year ago because he's not close to anyone new.  I want to be homeschooling him at least for his pre-k year - and if I can't be organized enough to do it now I can't keep him home for kindergarten, making this my last year with him home with me.  I want to make it a good one.

I have three borrowed books on dyslexia and though my oldest was diagnosed last winter, I've yet to read them.

I don't really do balance.  I love projects.  I love compartmentalizing.  I'm disorganized overall, but I can be organized at working on the school's silent auction.  I'm no good at home maintenance, but if we host Christmas or I get pregnant, suddenly I'm all about painting the bedroom and hanging shelves on the walls.

The past year, advocacy has been my project.

I want to continue.  It's not just a project, it's my passion.  But I need to step back and try to find some balance.  I need my kids to be my main focus.  I am a stay-at-home mom for that reason, and this year it's more like I'm a work-at-home mom.  And as I said, I suck at balance.  That's not how I want to parent.

I've been struggling a lot with this need for balance, with depression, with not knowing what direction to go with this blog, with keeping up with social media.  But things are getting better.  A few friends are helping me admin on Facebook.  I've spent a few weekends starting to de-clutter.  I took Sweet Pea to a great homechool co-op class and took Magoo on our first-ever date.

So I'm finally posting here again, and I'll share more about all that other good stuff I opened with when I get to it.  For now, I'm going to nurse Bellybean back to sleep and get some sleep myself.  Because I've got three energetic boys to focus on in the morning.

How do you find balance when there are too few hours in the day to accomplish all there is to do?


  1. I totally feel for you on this one. I feel like a work at home mom when I put too much of me and my time into my blog as well. But you do even more than just blogging. And you have more kids.

    How do I find balance when there is just too much to do? Give up, do nothing, and lounge around in my PJs! But then the house goes to heck, none of my "deadlines" are met, and then I'm feeling awful about not having done anything. One day at a time.

    That's so great that you found some admins! And a date with your son sounds so sweet. Balance is rough. Do what you need for yourself and your family and everyone else can wait. And it sounds like you're doing just that!

    1. I don't have more kids for long, Paala! :) Honestly, I don't know how you do all you do! It takes me hours to write a single post, & you write daily!